Reeder\u2019s research team wanted to understand what differentiates the friendships that dissolve from the friendships that make it after one friend tells the other they are romantically interested<\/strong>. They asked both lovers and lovees about a time a friendship either lasted or dissolved after full disclosure. They then compared the factors that were present in friends who made it to the factors that were present for friends who signed off. Statistically, the researchers said there were clear differences.<\/p>\n In friendships that lasted:<\/strong><\/p>\n \u2022 The friends actively pursued the friendship. This might seem self-evident, but some people’s inclination is to shut down. The researchers said you have to consciously do things that keep the friendship going, especially when it’s vulnerable. Verbally affirm the importance of the friendship and continue doing the same behaviors and activities you did before.<\/p>\n \u2022 The friends honestly wanted to remain friends. Whether the individual truly wants to keep the friendship, even if it could not be romantic, is a question only each person can answer. If the friendship isn’t that meaningful, it probably won’t survive this rock in the road.<\/p>\n \u2022 The friends accepted that the feelings were not mutual. A great attitude to have, whether you are the lover or the lovee, is the feelings aren’t the same and move on.<\/p>\n \u2022 The friends saw the friendship as \u201csolid\u201d before the disclosure. A good question to ask before making this kind of disclosure: “Is this a strong friendship?” Concrete and longer-lasting friendships are more likely to weather the storm, while new friendships may be more vulnerable.<\/p>\n \u2022 The friends saw the friendship as \u201copen\u201d before the disclosure. If the friends already talked honestly about things such as insecurities, other relationships, goals and dreams, chances are the friendship will fare better than people without these previous intimate conversations.<\/p>\n In friendships that dissolved:<\/strong><\/p>\n \u2022 The friends became awkward, embarrassed, or uncomfortable. Avoid the awkward silence, lack of eye contact and endless apologies.<\/p>\n \u2022 The lover continued to hope that the other would ultimately reciprocate. The researchers said avoid \u201cwhat’s wrong with me, that you don’t love me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u2022 The lovee admitted past romantic feelings for the friend or suggested such feelings might develop in the future. It is not the time to be sweet, at least not in this way. This will only lead them on.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is absolutely okay to be in these types of situations,\u201d Reeder said. \u201cTry not to blame yourself, and try not to blame the other person. You can keep the friendship if you remember certain tips and keep calm.\u201d<\/p>\n More information can be found in Ch. 2 and 4 of the book \u201cStudies in Applied Interpersonal Communication,\u201d edited by Michael T. Motley.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" From the Boise State University press release via Newswise: When one friend admits they are \u201cinto\u201d the other but the feeling isn’t mutual, the relationship can indeed be in jeopardy…. Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,7],"tags":[168,44,12,98],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1640"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1640"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1640\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1642,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1640\/revisions\/1642"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1640"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1640"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1640"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/images\/blogpics\/Attraction.jpg\" "\\"one-sided")
When one friend admits they are \u201cinto\u201d the other but the feeling isn’t mutual, the relationship can indeed be in jeopardy<\/strong>. Friendships often dissolve under these circumstances, but not always, says Heidi Reeder, associate professor of communication at Boise State University.<\/p>\n