{"id":70,"date":"2011-11-14T11:10:20","date_gmt":"2011-11-14T11:10:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/?p=70"},"modified":"2011-11-15T17:23:10","modified_gmt":"2011-11-15T17:23:10","slug":"do-you-really-know-what-you-want-in-a-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/2011\/11\/do-you-really-know-what-you-want-in-a-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Really Know What You Want in a Partner?"},"content":{"rendered":"

From the Northwestern University press release:<\/p>\n

\"\"So you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re flocking to online dating sites with a wish list of ideal traits that you desire in a mate. Not so fast!<\/p>\n

Once you actually meet a potential dating partner, those ideals are likely to fall by the wayside, according to new research from Northwestern University and Texas A&M University.<\/p>\n

People liked potential partners that matched their ideals more than those that mismatched their ideals when they examined written descriptions of potential partners, but those same ideals didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter once they actually met in person<\/strong>, according to a new study by psychologists Paul W. Eastwick, Eli J. Finkel and Alice H. Eagly.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153People have ideas about the abstract qualities they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re looking for in a romantic partner,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d said Eastwick, assistant professor of psychology at Texas A&M University and lead author of the study. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But once you actually meet somebody face to face, those ideal preferences for traits tend to be quite flexible<\/strong>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Say you prefer a partner who, online or on paper, fits the bill of being persistent. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153After meeting in person, you might feel that, yeah, that person is persistent, but he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t compromise on anything. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the determined and diligent kind of persistent that you initially had in mind,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Eastwick said.<\/p>\n

The idea is that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, said Finkel, associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University and co-author of the study.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153People are not simply the average of their traits<\/strong>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Knowing that somebody is persistent, ambitious and sexy does not tell you what that person is actually like. It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make sense for us to search for partners that way.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thinking about this or that feature of a person apart from taking the whole person into account doesn’t predict actual attraction<\/strong>,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Eagly said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153While some online dating sites have video features that provide some context, generally people are matched on their answers to specific questions that do not capture the whole person.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Scores from answers to questions such as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How much money do you earn?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you extroverted?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d provide two-dimensional facts rather than three-dimensional humanness, Finkel said.<\/p>\n

For those seeking prospective partners, don’t be surprised if you end up ignoring your preconceived notions about what would make an ideal mate.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Based on those ideals, you might end up liking a person upon meeting face to face, or you might have the opposite reaction,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Finkel said. As Eastwick notes, it is not uncommon for someone to say, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcIf you had tried to set me up with this guy, I would never have gone out with him, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m so glad I did!\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The study, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When and Why Do Ideal Partner Preferences Affect the Process of Initiating and Maintaining Romantic Relationships?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d will appear in the November edition of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology<\/em>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From the Northwestern University press release: So you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re flocking to online dating sites with a wish list of ideal traits that you desire in a mate. Not so fast! Once… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=70"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":73,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70\/revisions\/73"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=70"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=70"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therapytoronto.ca\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=70"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}